Tuesday, January 31, 2012

IF Forward

Little Red and Grandma are beating feet as fast as they can forward to get away from the Big Bad Wolf! I guess we are all trying to run forward as we go through life. Many different things are chasing us as we make our journey. When I was small I was moving forward trying to hurry life along so I could do the things the big kids did. Later I hurried forward to fall in love and get married and have children, why, because everyone else did. And now I'm moving forward to the unknown parts of my life and being a care giver to my Mother is now my big bad wolf! This task has shown me many sides of my life and personality I didn't know I had, or if I knew I chose to forget it. My Mother is sweet and always has been but her short term memory is gone. And repeating herself is constant. Sometimes, many times in a role and try as I may my patience wears thin. I find myself remembering things that annoyed me about her many years ago and disliking these things now again like I did then. I didn't know I could be so short with someone or that I had the ability to run away from her so I don't have to listen to the repeating. It would seem like it would be easy to be nice but sometimes I find it a difficult thing. Believe me I have analyzed why and the conclusion I have come to is that I am really mad because I miss the Mother I used to have. The one I could talk to the one I spent time with having fun and giggling. The one that made sense, even when I didn't want to listen. She went and got old on me. 93 in April, and life inside of her head must be harder for her with the confusion and inconstancy. I know I sound shallow and unappreciative! I vow to work on this and to continue to love and take care of my Mother as she did for me for many, many years! Big bad wolf Im not running anymore!